Life? Not Too Shabby

Serious dork confession here: at least every other day, there’s a moment where I stop and think to myself, “Wow. I love my life.”

Seriously. Who is this girl?!

20140911. Birdie photo bomb.

Our favorite play things – the nasty old mirror on the inside of Chris’ closet and Birdie.

And then it occurs to me that life probably isn’t like that for a lot lot lot of people. And then I wonder if Chris feels the same way. Hell, five years ago, I definitely didn’t feel this way. Even two years ago, I didn’t have these moments wash over me quite so frequently. Blame it on the baby and the massive, life-changing decisions that have defined the last year and a half?

091023. oh, hi!

Me. Five years ago. Not looking like I love my life.

It’s not super easy, and it’s not perfect. But I’ve decided I need to kick perfect to the side of the road. It’s great, and I love it. Even the hard stuff.

I think a lot of it is that I’m starting to feel settled in this whole motherhood gig. Looking back, the first four or five months were me battening down the hatches. Being a mom was so all-consuming. I went from successful working person to OMG WTF DO I DO WITH THIS TINY CREATURE (and with myself). I had no idea what being a mom was going to look like for us.

IMG_0032

I hardly remember what we did all day when he was this tiny.

We’re seven months in now, and I feel like Willem and I “get” each other these days. I’m expanding my fellow mom friendships and feeling confident in getting out of the house and doing stuff. EX: Willem and I met up with a friend for a youth orchestra recital (at a McDonald’s, of all places – a McDonald’s WITH A STAGE. Only in Broad Ripple) today, and he sat in my lap, eating sweet potatoes and taking in the world while friend and I chatted. We can DO stuff like that now, because we get each other, you know?

Baby brigade takes over City Market.

Us downtown this past week, kicking it in the fall foliage with our iced coffee (for mom) and sweet potatoes (for Willem) at City Market.

I’m knitting and cross-stitching and making friendship bracelets and doing “me” stuff again – note that this is stuff that, five months ago, I had literally no concept of how I would ever be able to fit it into my life again. Like, really. I was just keeping my head down and hoping to fake it til I made it.

Now? I’m able to lift my gaze, and the view is good. I can see, if not the horizon, at least to the end of the road. The more comfortable I get with this whole mom thing, the more I’m able to dream and plan and think about other things again. Fun things. Crafty things. Projects. Friends and relationships. Farms in the Smokies. Tiny houses and big barns. You know, life and stuff and the future.

So life? Yes. I love it.

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7 thoughts on “Life? Not Too Shabby

    • Hooray! I think another BIG part of it is that they aren’t quite so needy anymore. I look back on pictures from when he was three or four months of me rocking him to sleep and cuddling with him every nap. As much as I loved those snuggle times, it’s no wonder I felt overwhelmed/unable to think about other stuff back then!

  1. The Bug (what I call our cutie face foster baby) arrived when he was four and a half months old. The first three months he was here are a total blur. I know I was home with him all day for most of April and May, but I don’t remember it at all. What did I do all day (other than keep the baby alive)? Things are soooo much better now that he’s a bit more independent (at the ripe old age of ten and a half months).

    Can’t say I’ve got this mom identity thing worked out yet though. It’s really hard for me to be financially dependent on the husband. I wasn’t raised to be that kind of gal. It’s taking some adjustment. I wouldn’t go back to NOT being a mom at this point though – I freaking love it. Glad to hear you guys are doing well, too!

    • Ah, the money thing. YES. This is a really hard one for me, too. I’m dealing with it all right most of the time. I fight the battle of feeling like I’m not contributing and generally feeling a little off-kilter about not supporting myself for the first time in, like, 15 years by doing my part-time gig and doing one-off jobs as I can. But yeah… it’s not exactly bringing in the same great salary I used to have. And retirement contributions? Ha! HAHAHA!

      Things ARE so much better now. Willem is getting his first tooth (well, teeth – I noticed today that both bottom teeth are pretty close to erupting), so he’s a little sadder than usual but nothing too awful yet. They are just so dang cute and interesting to watch as they grow and learn and figure things out.

      I’d love to hear your thoughts on the fostering aspect, though. It is such an insane amount of energy it takes to raise another little human… and I know I could never give Willem “back.” Will you be able to adopt the Bug eventually? I just… I think you’re amazing for fostering a wee babe, I really do.

  2. That bit about knitting and cross stitching? I’m totally there right now with wondering when I’m ever going to have time for it again… let alone the garden that needs dealt with this fall. I ordered garlic to plant (and crocuses for saffron, too!) but I have no idea when I’ll ever find the time to get it planted!

    • Yes! And it’s so hard to explain because, from the outside looking in, people are probably like, “Dude, it will take you five minutes, maybe ten, to plant your garlic.” But it just seems so overwhelming – what to do with the baby, waiting until he/she naps, getting covered in dirt… and then you hear the first cries of a fussy, not-napping baby over the baby monitor strapped to your hip halfway through the garlic planting when you’re at your filthiest… Oh, I know!

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